Friday, 17 April 2015

How not to be mummy savvy

how not to be mummy savvy

It turns out, that in the mummy savvy department, I am sorely lacking.

Yesterday, I took my 4 kids out to meet a friend at the local park for a picnic and play. It was a fairly big deal - the first time I'd ever taken all of them out for the park experience. I spent all morning packing up the picnic lunch, filling the water bottles and locating suncream and hats for everyone. I also packed lots of wipes, nappies and a ball to play with.  I gave myself lots of time so I wouldn't run late or stress out, and right on time, we were on our way.

Because the park was surrounded by metered 1 hour parking, I parked the car a couple of streets away. Maybe my savvy sense should have pricked up at this point. Navigate a 10 minute walk with children, that included crossing busy roads? Really?

But no. There was no such sense at this point. I unloaded the four of them, applied suncream and hats to the big kids as they climbed out of the car and buckled the twins into their pram. Then I loaded the nappy and picnic bags on and we were ready. So far, I thought, I was all over mummy savvy.

The Picnic Food

So I forgot to pack the picnic food. It was at home, keeping cool in the fridge. While Mr B cried in disappointment, I thought about the options. There was no local shop nearby, and no way was I reloading the car and heading home. Instead I rang the local superhero - Mr Laney, who saved the day by agreeing to collect the food from home and drop it to the park. Crisis averted.

Toilet Fiasco #1

With that fire put out, we carried on. A mere 2 minutes into our walk, Miss P needed a wee. I begged her to hold on until we got to the park, which I knew had public toilets. But this child had form for wetting herself in public. My anxiety reached new heights as I glanced around the busy main road, that offered no shelter for us to discretely go about our business. Then I had visions of us crossing the busy road with Miss P wetting herself thank you. After trying to convince her to wear one of the babies' nappies (which she understandably refused), I parked the pram, and we chanced it behind a tree.

Road Crossing Behaviour

We continued on our way, but my anxiety at this point hadn't really settled. It turns out that commandeering two small children and a huge pram next to a busy intersection containing multi-lane traffic is pretty unnerving. I already wanted to go home. But then came my next doozy. As we crossed, with Mr B and Miss P holding onto each side of the pram, the ball popped out of the picnic bag and onto the road. Then I made a really bad decision. You'll judge me for this one - and I don't blame you. As the ball bounced beside me, I made the split second decision to take both my hands off the pram to grab for it, leaving my two big kids holding onto the pram, in the middle of the crossing. In the kerfuffle, a lady that was crossing with us grabbed hold of the handle bar, probably wondering what the f@*k I was doing, taking my hands and eyes off a moving pram with two small children attached. Right beside a major intersection. I tried to laugh it off. Inside I gave myself a hammering. Mummy savvy? Not here, my friends.

Kid Watching

After a big play and picnic lunch, it was time for the now-restless twins to have a wonder around. Now, I've been to the park with the twins before, and found it quite easy to watch them both toddle about, exploring their surroundings. But trying to do this while manning two other kids and having a conversation with my friend was really difficult. Both babies were fast and curious, and with both of them heading in different directions, it was really hard to keep track of them. I wish I was one of those cool, relaxed mums who could just chill and let the kids do their thang. But it turns out I'm not. Anxiety: dizzying heights.

how not to be mummy savvy

Toilet Fiasco #2

Then Miss P announced to the playground that she needed a poo. Gah!! Everytime we're out, this child wants a poo! So I packed the twins back up into their pram and left them and Mr B with my friend. I took Miss P to the skankiest hellhole set of toilets I've ever seen public toilets, and let her get on with it. I stood outside the only working cubicle, brushing at little shit-flies buzzing around. Please get me home, I prayed to the rotting ceiling of the toilet block.  How long does your child take to do a number 2? Mine takes ages. We were there for 15 minutes. In the end, I was begging her to hurry up. Then the blasted thing wouldn't flush away. A fairly respectable-looking lady was waiting to use the loo, and I had to let her use the toilet that still had Miss P's log in the bottom of it. 'At least you know it came from someone cute!' I said, trying to be all charming.

Packing-up Time Relief. Oh, the Relief

Thankfully, by the time we got back to the playground, it was time to pack up. I couldn't get us out of there fast enough. And by that I mean, I really couldn't get us out of there fast at all. The twins were safely contained in the pram, but the big kids were tired and hot, which meant the walk (and road crossing) back to the car was long, tiresome and just really chuffing painful. When the car finally came into view, it was like an oasis in the desert. Only I couldn't run to it because of the snail-paced children I was with.
A few minutes later, we were home. I got the tired twins into their beds which rendered them contained and quiet, and put the big kids in the bath - contained and clean. I made a coffee and felt like I'd just been in a marathon.
Here are the activities we will be doing as a family for the next  6 to 9 months:
Watching DVDs
Reading books
Playing indoor hide and seek
Colouring in
Making cubby houses
Playing board games
Building Lego
Family outings = highly overrated.

Please tell me you've had some crap mummy moments too!?! Ever had one of those days where it was all just ridiculously hard? Being to any disgusting toilets recently?

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