Tuesday, 9 June 2015

Dear Sleep Deprivation: We're finished

the end of sleep deprivation

Dear Sleep Deprivation,

This is the end of the road for you and me. We both know it's no longer working between us. For a long time, it was like I had no choice but to keep you in my life, but now that the twins are sleeping through the night, there's no place for you here anymore.

Yep, that's right, I'm taking my sleep back and it's time you hit the road - we're finished. It's been a long and emotional journey, and  to be honest, I can't believe I've actually survived this long with you in my life. You're not exactly a healthy companion. Getting by on broken sleep for eighteen months has been an eye-opener, in a very non-literal way. And I've finally seen the light.

Look, don't be upset, we can stay in touch. You'll be back in the future. We both know this. When someone's sick or having bad dreams, I'll lose sleep again for a night or two and I'm sure you'll be there, tapping me on the shoulder. But we'll never be close again, not like we have been this past year or so.

I think it's time I was honest with you.

You see, it's been a reluctant relationship on my part. You've always wanted more from me than I wanted to give. Sure, there's been days, weeks even, where we've been like bosom buddies. Like two peas in a pod. But I've always had my eye on your friend, the one they call Decent Sleep. And Decent Sleep can offer me so much more than you, like clear thinking and energy for living. All you've given me is brain mush and unpredictable emotions. And big, cavernous shadows under my eyes that refuse to be hidden, even with industrial-strength concealer.

In truth, there are some things I'll miss about you.

In your own torturous way, you offered me quality time with my babies. So I should thank you for all those late night, long-lasting cuddles with them. I can't fault you on providing me with those times. Though I don't know why in the end you thought I needed them for HOURS AT A TIME. To be honest, this is where I started questioning our relationship. But thanks, anyway. I guess I can also thank you for the extended breastfeeding opportunities.

I can also thank you for refining my taste for coffee. Never again will I waste my time or money on shit coffee. I've learnt which cafes make the good stuff, and which ones to avoid at all costs. I've become so regular at my favourite places, they know the names of all my kids. Thanks to you, my morning coffee ritual is the cornerstone of every day and kind of borders on the addictive side.

Lastly (because let's face it, this was never going to be a long list), thank you for making me appreciate the sweetness of real, proper sleep. And the thought of my actual bed, actually being in a horizontal position in my bed - well, I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel weirdly sensual about it.

Anyway, that's it. That's all I'll miss about you. I won't miss feeling bone-tired and run-down. I won't miss being unable to follow complex sentences or feeling like I've got cotton wool for a brain. I won't miss the desperation for caffeine or the unsavoury mood swings.

So long, Sleep Deprivation. It's been...nice. Look, I don't want to be rude, but can you see yourself out? I've got Decent Sleep arriving any minute and I don't want any awkward scenarios.

Take care - we'll catch up some day...no, no, I'll call you.

Yours Truly,


Do you need to break up with sleep deprivation? And if you're finished with being sleep-deprived, what was it like to finally get some sleep? Am I going to feel like a new woman? Will my brain ever work properly again??

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