Friday, 3 July 2015

Is there a douchebag convention on this week?


I don't know if it's the full moon this week or that *ahem* feminine thing that happens to me every month, but it seems as though all the douchebags are in town. They're driving me mental. Usually I am patient - having four children around my ankles all the time means I have to be. But this week I am encountering so many douchebags that my patient and tolerant self has up and left, probably for a nice holiday somewhere.

Incidentally, I have never used the word douchebag in my life. But I'm all over it now. How else do you describe stupid people and their stupid, thoughtless ways? There's been so many this week that I've had to make a list.

1. The disgusting dog owner.
First on the list is this guy. As I loaded my kids into the car yesterday morning, I had to side-step the turd that sat right beside my car, right outside my house. Who let's their dog poo and not pick up after it these days? Are people really that devoid of conscience? And it's not the first time this has happened. Only the other day I had to pick up this dog's shit, because it was in the exact same spot and if I didn't pick it up, I or one of my kids would have stepped in it and traipsed it through the house or the car. I really f**king hate stepping in dog shit. So I picked up the shit again yesterday, and left the bag hanging on the tree next to my car. People, I am finding this guy, and am handing back his dog's shit. In fact, I can't wait. My blind is going up every morning and I will be watching for this early dog-walker.

2. The unfriendly mum
We've been at the same daycare for three years. I know all the faces. But there's this one mum with two daughters, one of whom now goes to Mr B's school (so I see her regularly in two places), who REFUSES  to acknowledge me when we pass in the street. It is unbelievable. Yesterday at the shops, we practically brushed up against each other. I got my polite and friendly face ready, looking for the obligatory hello, but she cast her eyes downwards and walked straight past me! What's with that???? Lady, we were both IN THE SAME PUB on Mother's Day this year, you were on the table RIGHT NEXT TO ME! We joked about it at kindy the next day! WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM??? All I can conclude from this is that she is either a) painfully shy, b) has serious sight issues or c) is actually a bitch who is totally threatened by my hot stuff.

3. The snooty jewellery lady
I had to take my wedding ring in for a service yesterday as a stone had come loose. Admittedly it was long overdue for a clean, which goes against the T&C of the free services. Snooty Lady happily pointed this out, telling me there'd be a cost involved, 'because the last time you brought it in was a year and a half ago'. When I left I felt really pissed off, mostly because I hadn't been more assertive. What I really wanted to say was 'Look, it's been eighteen months because I've had twins. Premmie twins. And then there were four kids under school age and everything was a blur for a year. Can you make an exception??' But I didn't want to in case it came across as pathetic excuse-making for not being more organised. But then I thought, 'Hang on a minute. Having premmie twins and adjusting from two to four kids is totally an acceptable excuse!' And I wished I'd stood up for myself. 











4. The thoughtless parker
I hate people that don't think about others when they park. So getting back to my car with four kids yesterday to see this really irked me. We have to use this side because the other side of the car is taken up with car seats. In the end I shimmied them through and it wasn't that bad I suppose, but you should have seen how much room this guy had on the driver's side. You could have fit another car there, or at least a double pram with toddlers in it, which I had to leave at the foot of my car while I got the big kids in. And don't get me started on the douchebags that blatantly use Parents With Prams parking without even having car seats in their car. Man, this shits me. It shits me to the point that if I had time, I'd wait for them to get back to their car to interrogate them about where the f**k their prams are.

5. The online book store
I ordered a book for Mr B back in April, hoping it would arrive from America in time for his birthday. It arrived late, and it was the wrong book. It wasn't even close to being the right one. I have emailed several times and am now at the point of pulling my hair out. In the meantime, rather than bothering to respond to my emails, they've informed me that they didn't charge me the right shipping fee for the wrong item they sent me, so they've taken more money from my account. Then they sent me a Customer Service survey. I'm not joking. I don't care how late I have to stay up, I am calling these people tonight. Which book company? Well, I mustn't defame. Let's just say it rhymes with Parnes&Moble. This is why I hate online shopping, it's a freaking pain in the arse when it goes wrong.

6. Miss P
Only joking. As if my little fairy could belong in such a list of douchebags. So what if she threw a massive tantrum while we were at the shops because she didn't get Frozen shoes (none in her size) or the Belle dress (none in her size) and didn't appreciate in the slightest the Frozen necklace and bracelet set I got her instead. This doesn't make her a douchebag, it just makes her a three year old. Although, I must say, opening her window in the car while we were driving home and tossing the bracelet onto the street suggests she may earn a place on the list in the near future.

Phew. All this hating on douchebags can be exhausting. Wine o'clock might need to arrive a bit earlier today, maybe it will lure my patience and tolerance back from its sunny holiday. I definitely need to chill out.

But dog-shit person, you are on the list. We will meet.

How's your week been? Come across any of these people this week? What really rubs you up the wrong way? And do you think the full moon has any weird effects on people?

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